Tonight Kaden and I went to the Hudsonsville fair with my friend and his two kids. We started out with the animal barns but the kids were running through those pretty quickly. Kaden was in his glory on all the John Deere equipment and I have no doubt that as far as he was concerned we could have stayed right there all night and he would have been thrilled. We did manage to get him away from the tractors finally and we headed to the rides. Kaden was so overstimulated at first and was definitely not sure of it all. I took Kaden on the train ride first and he busted into tears because he wasn't in the engine, lol! Thankfully, he settled down and loved the ride! Kaden went on a few rides and I actually went down the big slide with him to which he quickly told me "I not doing that again, Mom!" Our night came to an end when the thunderstorm rolled in, bummer.
I loved watching Kaden take it all in and I loved spending time with him. I remember back in the day going to the Hudsonville fair every single summer and how fun it was to run into so many people you knew. Not so sure I love that aspect anymore. It was a bit difficult tonight for me. At any given point I could point out at least three people that I knew. There are some people who interact with me, tell me how great I look and how cute Kaden is, those who genuinely care about me and what is going on in my life. Then there are those who do the "how are you" with the pity divorce twist to it. There are those who I cringe at the thought of talking to because I dare say they run with any bit of gossip they can get on me. There are those who see I am with a guy and make assumptions, or think oh yeah she is finally with someone, or who plain just don't think I should be moving on. And then there are those who stare at me but ignore me all together as if I have a disease. Sigh, And maybe sigh again. Three summers later and this is still defining me. Sigh.
I know for some people they are just uncomfortable and they don't know what to say. I get that. I know for others they may even think they are the last person I would want to talk to. Fair but I promise I don't bite. Just please don't treat me like I am broke, like I have a disease or like I am broken.
And I know some people are just so excited to see me with a guy because they love me and want nothing more than to see me moving on and having my happily ever after too. I get that and I appreciate it. And I urge you then to pray that God blesses me and Kaden with that man in His time. Until then, just know I am content and I am happy. I did the dating thing and had my heart broken and quite honestly I am in no rush to put my heart back out there again.
For those who talk to me and treat me as any other normal human being, thank you! I love nothing more than interacting with people who can be so real and true with me. People who want to hear how I am doing but also who want to share how their lives are going. People who make me feel like far more than "that divorced girl".
I look forward to the day when this divorce isn't something people use to define me anymore.
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