Balance

I feel like right now I am struggling to find balance and define the balance I desire in my life. I am searching for the best way to balance family, friends, self and work. I know a big part of that is the new parenting schedule we are now implementing and in addition to that it's some changes in my work schedule.

A month ago my weeks were pretty much the same. Work 32 hours a week with Wednesdays off. Monday nights were personal training for me while Kaden went with his Daddy for an hour and a half instead of me getting a sitter, Wednesday nights were me going to spin class while Kaden was with his Daddy for his three hour midweek visit and then every other weekend Kaden would go with his Daddy from Saturday morning until Sunday evening so those were the weekends that I would make plans to go out and be with friends.

The beginning of the month all that changed. Kaden's Daddy got a new position at work so due to his new hours he now takes Kaden for three hours every other Monday and the opposite weeks he has Kaden for his overnight from Sunday morning until Monday evening. So I no longer have him to watch Kaden every Monday while I go to personal training and I no longer have every Wednesday night off to go to spin class and instead of having every other Saturday as my night out with friends I have a Sunday night which doesn't exactly work well when most people are winding down from their weekends and getting ready for a new work week.

And now in addition to all that there are some changes in my work schedule. Instead of 32 hours a week with Wednesdays off, my weeks will now rotate. It will be 31 hours one week with Wednesdays off and 39 hours the other week with no days off.

And so I am struggling to find the balance again.

I have been doing spin for quite a few months now and I added personal training to that about two months ago. The last month with being on vacation and then being sick with the kidney stones I was missing out on it and I can tell a HUGE difference in my everyday life in so many ways. Not only do I feel so much better when I am active and taking part in those classes but I also know its a huge stress reliever for me. The personal training and spin classes are something I do for me and I know they are of great benefit for me.

As hard as it was to adjust to having Kaden gone overnight every other Saturday night, I had learn to embrace that time and take advantage of the free time and enjoy that time with my friends. I also learned that it was always best for me to be doing something because when I was home without him I felt so lost, almost like I had lost my sense of purpose. But now, my down night is a Sunday night so I have to find a way to not feel lost and not lose my sense of purpose. In addition to that, I want to be able to spend time with my friends while still managing to put Kaden first. And I am not sure I know how to work that yet. And let's face it getting a sitter to go out is not cheap.

Kaden spent the night at my parent's tonight as I had plans with my coworkers. I had a great time tonight and enjoyed being able to relax and have fun with friends. And yet when I come home, I question if sacrificing a night with Kaden is really what I want to do.

So many people are quick to say it's good for me to go out and take care of me and that it's good for Kaden for me to take a break. Sure, I agree with that. And yet when does it become too much or maybe even too little? In the blink of an eye he will grow up and I don't want to miss that. I want to know I raised my son, not a million other people.

I think the first step in finding balance will be learning to accept that I may be missing out on fun with friends but its worth it because I am not missing out on being a Mom to the most amazing little boy ever!

I keep reminding myself that finding balance is not just a single Mom thing, we all struggle with it in one way or another. And I also have to remind myself that the balance someone else chooses may not be what would be best for me or for Kaden. We all have our different ways of balancing life. I just pray I am not failing at it.