Today at church we had a message that really hit home to me in so many different ways. The message ended with a video of church members holding up signs with different things that "hold" them if you will, such as "I need to be in control" or "My family appears to have it all together". At the end of the video there were two questions that really got me thinking.
#1 Where is your heart?
My heart feels broken and far from whole these days.
I feel broken because I am a single Mom and I feel like I can never do enough or be enough for my son.
I feel broken because I am divorced. Regardless of the reason of my divorce, the divorce is a failed marriage and that leaves me feeling like I failed. I failed even when I fought to save my marriage despite his choices that in so many people's minds gave me a "right" to be divorced.
I feel broken because I am single. There are times I compare myself to my ex or other divorced friends who are now remarried or well on their way and I ask myself what is wrong with me since I am still single and alone.
I feel broken because I feel like I have no direction. I feel so far from the dreams and desires I have for my life.
My heart is holding on the label of being broken in so many different aspects.
#2 Where does God want my heart to be?
God wants me to stop putting these labels on myself.
God wants me to be proud of the strength He has given me to be all that I can be for my son and to lean on Him when I am weary.
God wants me to remember that He has forgiven me for any mistakes I made in my marriage and to embrace the changes He brought in me as I traveled the journey of divorce.
God wants me to remember I am never alone and He is all I need, to remember that He loves me for me. And He wants to remind me that He is in control. He knows every desire of my heart and I need to put my hope in Him and trust that things will fall into place in His time and His way. God wants me to see that I am not broken and to let go of that label.
It's a lot to think about and in so many ways its a whole new logic for me. It wasn't until today that I realized I too often am the one giving myself the broken label. I have been blaming others for labeling me that way or making me feel that way. Reality check! Even if they do think that, its up to me to allow that to define what I think of myself or not. And I don't want to be broken anymore.
